Aimee and the Birth-Month
Language butchery by Mr Rich on 1.9.06 @ 11:51
---------- Original message ----------
From: Rich W
Date: Aug 29, 2006 10:33 PM
Subject: PLEASE DONT LET AIMEE SEE THIS!!!
To: Aimee's Sister Jody , Aimee's Mom and Dad, My Mother , My older brother Terry
Hello Everyone!
I'm sending this message out as evidence that I did do everything in time.
(this will be posted to the blog [ http://misterich.blogspot.com ] after she starts the odyssey. Read on for details...)
I thought I would drop you a line and let you know of the "evilness" of what I am doing to Aimee for her birthday. Being that Aimee doesn't just have the birthday, but rather the "birth-month" there has to be some teasing. Aimee's birthday is August 30, 1972. The "birth-month" starts on August 15 and ends on September 15 each year. Would you have guessed that Aimee is the youngest sibling in her family?
To tease her about the "birth-month" festivities, I decided that this year I should go the "jerk boyfriend" route. For the last week I've been dreaming up ways to get her goat. When she gets back to Portland on Friday, it's going to be fun. Here's what she's in for:
1 . Make it look like I didn't get her the present that she REALLY wanted.
2. For the presents (yes, plural) that I did get, make sure that they are nice - but milquetoast on the whole.
3. Do a terrible job of gift wrapping the presents (creases, open seams, lots of tape, etc.).
4. Don't use wrapping paper. Use newspaper and claim "environmental consciousness."
5. (...and don't do this at home kids!) For the birthday card, borrow an existing one. Specifically, the one that her former co-workers gave her.
The fun begins with the pile of stuff that you can see to the right here. This pile contains:
* A watch
* A pair of slippers
* A rice cooker for the microwave (she fried her last one - and she keeps forgetting to get a new one)
* A pizza brick for the oven
* A new umbrella
...and just so you smarmy people out there realize, an umbrella is a good gift! We do live in OREGON...sheesh!
Ok. This should get her pissed off.
...Or at the very least, bummed. I'll blame it on a poor cell phone connection when I talked to her mother earlier in the week:
"...I thought she said she was going to get you the teapot! She didn't?!?"
Hopefully along the way she will get pissed off enough to go out and get in her car.
That is when she will find a post-it note (the one on the left to be precise) stuck to her speedometer.
...Then the fun begins.
(BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!)
The note on the dash will lead her to another note in a different room, which leads to another note somewhere else, and so on and so forth. All in all there are sixteen notes in all rooms of the house. She will visit them all (including the bathroom and the garden hose outside too) at least twice.
On the right is an example of a typical note. This one is taped to the underside of her computer desk chair. It reads:
"Yay! you found it! -- not the end -- just another note. Go look at the underside of the Kleenex box on your nightstand."
That one leads her somewhere else...you get the idea.
Here's the best part: Remember that the wild goose chase started in the car, right? That's where it ends too. The present is in a box in the trunk of her car (see the evidence below left...).
Inside the box is the gift she REALLY wanted: an electric teapot.
...the expensive German, cordless, glass carafe model
...properly gift-wrapped
...with a nice card
...and packed in a shit load of newspaper so that if she doesn't see the note and tears off down the road like a bat out of hell it doesn't get smashed bouncing around in the back.
We'll see if she takes the bait. She gets home Friday night. If I can't get her to get into her car then, I know I can on Saturday. My old boss is coming up too see me, and he and I are going to take off for lunch.
Updates as events warrant...
From: Rich W
Date: Aug 29, 2006 10:33 PM
To: Aimee's Sister Jody , Aimee's Mom and Dad, My Mother , My older brother Terry
Hello Everyone!
I'm sending this message out as evidence that I did do everything in time.
(this will be posted to the blog [ http://misterich.blogspot.com ] after she starts the odyssey. Read on for details...)
3. Do a terrible job of gift wrapping the presents (creases, open seams, lots of tape, etc.).
4. Don't use wrapping paper. Use newspaper and claim "environmental consciousness."
5. (...and don't do this at home kids!) For the birthday card, borrow an existing one. Specifically, the one that her former co-workers gave her.
* A pair of slippers
* A pizza brick for the oven
* A new umbrella
...and just so you smarmy people out there realize, an umbrella is a good gift! We do live in OREGON...sheesh!
"...I thought she said she was going to get you the teapot! She didn't?!?"
...Then the fun begins.
(BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!)
The note on the dash will lead her to another note in a different room, which leads to another note somewhere else, and so on and so forth. All in all there are sixteen notes in all rooms of the house. She will visit them all (including the bathroom and the garden hose outside too) at least twice.
"Yay! you found it! -- not the end -- just another note. Go look at the underside of the Kleenex box on your nightstand."
That one leads her somewhere else...you get the idea.
Here's the best part: Remember that the wild goose chase started in the
...properly gift-wrapped
...with a nice card
...and packed in a shit load of newspaper so that if she doesn't see the note and tears off down the road like a bat out of hell it doesn't get smashed bouncing around in the back.
We'll see if she takes the bait. She gets home Friday night. If I can't get her to get into her car then, I know I can on Saturday. My old boss is coming up too see me, and he and I are going to take off for lunch.
Updates as events warrant...
