Rich got me

Language butchery by redhotknitter on  10.9.06 @ 13:05

My birthday is a big day to me. Okay, really its huge. It is so gargantuan that it cannot be fit into one day. No, it now takes a whole month. It starts on August 15th and goes to Sept. 15th. Now celebrating a birth month does not mean I get presents or cards or wishes everyday. Rather it is a reminder to find joy in each day and celebrate life. Presents and cards are a bonus (and I thank you all who remembered and sent good wishes my way). Now this was a weird birth month because I moved shortly after it began and I start a new job shortly before it ends. These events have added a wee bit of stress to my life.
Shortly after moving to Portland to be with Rich and start a new life, I went to Montana to visit my family. All of my siblings and nieces landed upon my parents the last week in August. We had a really good time. My birthday fell in the middle of this, thus getting Rich off of celebrating the actual BIRTHDAY. It also meant that he had ample time to prepare for my birth celebration upon my return. However during the week I was gone, we had conversations in which he just had to talk to my mom to ask her advice on the present, oh no he hadn't had time to shop, instead we would take care of my present after my return, etc.... Needless to say I was slightly (okay really) perturbed. And my family played along with this by saying, is Rich in the doghouse?, how can he make it up to you?, what do you think you'll buy yourself? Meanwhile, Rich planned his nefarious scheme outlined below.
I had a terrible flight into Portland that fateful night, so I wasn't feeling well. Before I left Montana, Rich announced there was no present and we would go shopping, which didn't add to my enjoyment of life. I arrived and Rich wasn't at the airport. Not a good sign. He showed up and whisked me and my luggage off. We had to stop at home to drop off my luggage before we went to dinner. This is when the fun began. On the dining room table was a plethora of badly wrapped presents, just as he said. The excitement of unwrapping an umbrella and rice cooker was undeniable. Where the fuck was my electric teapot?!?!?!?!?! Nowhere it seemed as the "bad" presents piled up. I did my best to be a sport, after all he had gotten me gifts and wrapped them. Bonus points even if they weren't what I asked for.
Next we headed out the door and Rich asked me to drive to the restaurant. I'd just flown and felt sick, gotten presents I hadn't asked for and now I had to drive to my own birthday dinner? WTF?
I got in my car and there was a note waiting for me there. It took Rich a minute to tell me to read the bottom, which was hidden by the steering wheel. The rest is history. The note led to another note and another and another and finally led me back to my car. In the trunk was a beautifully wrapped present and card. And inside the box was my electric teakettle! The day was saved.
The funny thing is when I first got into my car, I almost looked in the back to see if anything was in there, but I didn't. The look on Rich's face had I done that would have been priceless. I'm glad I didn't ruin the surprise though. He did a great job and totally got me on my birthday.
And thanks to my family for not letting any secrets out of the bag but instead masterfully playing along.
Overall a good birthday was had by me!

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Language butchery by Mr Rich on  7.9.06 @ 22:44

So I'm trying to get myself a logo or two. Think of it as personal marketing.

...not that anyone reads this anyway. I have web poll results (see right) to prove it.

So in the comment area of this blog, post a comment and tell me what you think of these:



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Aimee and the Birth-Month

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  1.9.06 @ 11:51

---------- Original message ----------
From: Rich W
Date: Aug 29, 2006 10:33 PM

To: Aimee's Sister Jody , Aimee's Mom and Dad, My Mother , My older brother Terry

Hello Everyone!

I'm sending this message out as evidence that I did do everything in time.

(this will be posted to the blog [ ] after she starts the odyssey. Read on for details...)

I thought I would drop you a line and let you know of the "evilness" of what I am doing to Aimee for her birthday. Being that Aimee doesn't just have the birthday, but rather the "birth-month" there has to be some teasing. Aimee's birthday is August 30, 1972. The "birth-month" starts on August 15 and ends on September 15 each year. Would you have guessed that Aimee is the youngest sibling in her family?

To tease her about the "birth-month" festivities, I decided that this year I should go the "jerk boyfriend" route. For the last week I've been dreaming up ways to get her goat. When she gets back to Portland on Friday, it's going to be fun. Here's what she's in for:

1. Make it look like I didn't get her the present that she REALLY wanted.
2. For the presents (yes, plural) that I did get, make sure that they are nice - but milquetoast on the whole.
3. Do a terrible job of gift wrapping the presents (creases, open seams, lots of tape, etc.).
4. Don't use wrapping paper. Use newspaper and claim "environmental consciousness."
5. (...and don't do this at home kids!) For the birthday card, borrow an existing one. Specifically, the one that her former co-workers gave her.

The fun begins with the pile of stuff that you can see to the right here. This pile contains:

* A watch
* A pair of slippers
* A rice cooker for the microwave (she fried her last one - and she keeps forgetting to get a new one)
* A pizza brick for the oven
* A new umbrella

...and just so you smarmy people out there realize, an umbrella is a good gift! We do live in OREGON...sheesh!

Ok. This should get her pissed off.

...Or at the very least, bummed. I'll blame it on a poor cell phone connection when I talked to her mother earlier in the week:

"...I thought she said she was going to get you the teapot! She didn't?!?"

Hopefully along the way she will get pissed off enough to go out and get in her car.

That is when she will find a post-it note (the one on the left to be precise) stuck to her speedometer.

...Then the fun begins.


The note on the dash will lead her to another note in a different room, which leads to another note somewhere else, and so on and so forth. All in all there are sixteen notes in all rooms of the house. She will visit them all (including the bathroom and the garden hose outside too) at least twice.

On the right is an example of a typical note. This one is taped to the underside of her computer desk chair. It reads:

"Yay! you found it! -- not the end -- just another note. Go look at the underside of the Kleenex box on your nightstand."

That one leads her somewhere get the idea.

Here's the best part: Remember that the wild goose chase started in the
car, right? That's where it ends too. The present is in a box in the trunk of her car (see the evidence below left...).

Inside the box is the gift she REALLY wanted: an electric teapot.

...the expensive German, cordless, glass carafe model

...properly gift-wrapped

...with a nice card

...and packed in a shit load of newspaper so that if she doesn't see the note and tears off down the road like a bat out of hell it doesn't get smashed bouncing around in the back.

We'll see if she takes the bait. She gets home Friday night. If I can't get her to get into her car then, I know I can on Saturday. My old boss is coming up too see me, and he and I are going to take off for lunch.

Updates as events warrant...

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