The Laws of Plumbing

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  24.11.09 @ 10:52

Lately I've been noticing that the laws of physics often apply to life. For example:

Newton:

I. (Intertia)


Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.

II. F=MA


The relationship between an object's mass m, its acceleration a, and the applied force F is F = ma. Acceleration and force are vectors (as indicated by their symbols being displayed in slant bold font); in this law the direction of the force vector is the same as the direction of the acceleration vector.

III. (Action / Re-action)


For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.


Rephrased in terms of interpersonal behavior, the laws read:

I. (Intertia)


Work can be ignored until someone else does it.

II. F=MA


The severity of the black eye is directly proportional to the size of the fist and strength of the arm that hits the face.

III. (Action / Re-action)


Sending me a nasty email will result in a nasty phone call.


Similarly, I was given some sage advice by my elder brother. He once told me that in order to be a plumber, you needed only to know the Laws of Plumbing:

1. Hot water is on the left; cold water is on the right.


2. Shit rolls down hill.


3. Don't bite your fingernails.


4. Payday is Friday.


5. The boss is a sonofabitch.


6. Don't piss off the boss's nephew.


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