I want...(click here)

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  30.8.06 @ 09:51

Dear Santa,

All I want for Xmas is this t-shirt.

Please click here and send it to:

10527 SE 77th Ave
Portland, OR 97222

Your Friend,

Rich


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New Reality TV: Fascist Face Off!

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  29.8.06 @ 13:18

This is just too good to be true. I want video of this!

I wonder if the translator will translate Ahmadinejad's insults to Dubbya....hmm...

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They got one right!!

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  28.8.06 @ 20:30

Omigod! Can you beleive it? After years and years of chasing space aliens and Michael Jackson, The National Enquirer finally did some real investigative journalism!

Their crystal ball really came through this time. I'd do much the same thing here, but I also know that they get sued from time to time. That's a bummer as well - I'd love to talk more shit than I already do.

...and speaking of paedophiles...

Warren Jeffs finally got pulled over. As it turns out, satan has control of the highways well as the water.

 0 comments links to this post

More Slashdot Funnies

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  25.8.06 @ 16:58

So over here there is a lovely discussion about the whole "is Pluto a planet?" issue. Personally, I think that it isn't.

Apparently, Fox News doesn't agree with me (like that's new). Keep in mind that this is the voice of the Republican party - the same political party that brought you congressional resoutions to save a vegetable (Terri Schiavo). They also think that stem cell research is the modern day equivalent of Soylent Green.

From the discussion:

Re:No reason to unlearn it?
by Tackhead
> He must have a hard time when we elect a new President.

Pluto downgraded. President still fucking Goofy.



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Blatant Plagarism Here!

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  22.8.06 @ 22:23

Seeing as how nobody reads this anyways, allow me to engage in some blatant plagarism.

Here are some rather creative postings and signature lines I found whilst reading a slashdot story today. Note the irony:


from a story on the SCO suit
Re:Theres motherf*ckin snakes in the Court!!!

"Captain's Log, 2368.7: Alien's posing as castaways on Anilorac 5 have turned out to be "attorneys" from a planet Cheron and claim to be have been in pursuit of another alien in sickbay found aboard a lost shuttle for the past 50,000 years. They have taken control of the Enterprise with something they called "Writs" and have used "Powers of Attorneys" to disable the Enterprise's self-destruct mechanism. We are currently unable to pursuade them or regain any control over the ship. I may have to ask Mr. Spock to kick them in the crotches if no other option presents itself."


from a story on the "whoopsy" that got an MS license in the hands of OSI

You can't spell Microsoft without [i]OSI[/i], therefore I will throw a chair.

Apparently, the MS word spell-checker doesn't recognise 'OSI'.


from a story about Weird Al's lastest on his Myspace page


I wonder if SCO has licensed his "Dare To Be Stupid" song yet?

What do you mean his song? We're talking about SCO here. The real question is "Has Weird Al paid the license fee SCO demanded for his use of their song?"


and finally...
from a story on SOAP opening up to lackluster box office returns

Half of the Slashdot crowd will just download the flick and wonder why the producers are so disappointed in the film's performance at the box office. Then they will post about the virtues of free software... knowing full well that they really mean beer.

Piracy must be the answer! It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the quality of the film... I wouldn't watch that crap if you paid me.

The Internet + Lower than expected profits = Piracy. Everyone knows that.

-MPAA

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The Smokin' Swine is Back!

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  21.8.06 @ 12:52

The best "Q" in Oregon is back. Here's the review of the old place. Mind you, the address in the review is out of date, but otherwise it's all the same.

This was a place I took a Kiwi to when he was here last year. I'm told that he liked the fried green tomatoes, but not the grits. "..Bloody pooridge!" I believe he said.

The link will get you to the menu and so forth. If you are in the neighborhood, I suggest you stop by.

 0 comments links to this post

NYTimes.com: Group of Reservists Demand Olmert's Resignation

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  ;@ 12:31

The New York Times

Say what you want to about the Israelis...but they are taking their leaders to task over a poorly led war effort. I guess we are far too complacent. .

INTERNATIONAL / MIDDLE EAST | August 21, 2006
Group of Reservists Demand Olmert’s Resignation
By STEVEN ERLANGER
A group of reservist soldiers carried out a protest today demanding the resignations of Israel’s prime minister.









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Whatever Rich says

Language butchery by redhotknitter on  20.8.06 @ 21:15

Moving is fun. Its even more fun with your partner. Nothing goes in the carefully planned order you or he had in mind. The timeline falls apart. Swearing ensues. Good times. All I can say is I hope we are past the worst of it. Okay there is still the unpacking phase, but it can't be as bad as loading a u-haul, cleaning a house, meeting with the landlady, and driving north. At least there was bbq in Salem!

We are both exhausted. We got up early and unloaded the truck to get it back to the rental place in a timely manner. Now the house is completely awry. Boxes everywhere. Furniture astray. Argh. I hope to get the kitchen unpacked tomorrow and then go from there. I leave on vacation on Friday for a week in Montana and I'd like to have the majority of it unpacked and put away by then. Or at least in the right room, so that Rich isn't on a collision course when he tries to walk through the house.

I am currently unemployed. Its an odd feeling. I start my new job on Sept. 11th. An auspicious day. I'm looking forward to this break from work to breathe a bit and read. I have about 20 books checked out from my old library and another dozen I own that I would like to read. But that won't happen. If I get through 10 I'll be happy.

Okay, I'm off to annoy Rich. I can do it in person now!!!

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Aimee's Finally Moved In

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  ;@ 20:59

Aimee finally got moved in this weekend. Evidence is pictured througout.

At long last we get to be a couple. Last year I spent 9-1/2 months in a hotel room you see. While I was off being a world traveller, she was stuck at home...

...Dealing with the great unwashed...

...Telling people, "I'm sorry, but you can't write your name is pee on the bathroom walls. This is a library"...

...Calling me at ungodly hours to tell me that the toilet was backing up, and that she was sick and had the water cannon ass, and that I should call the landlord early on a Sunday morning and get her to get a plumber out there to fix it.

That last one actually happened on my last trip to Omaha. She called me to tell me that the shit was flowing once again. She had a fever, and didn't even remotely want to deal with it. I can't say as I blame her either -
the last thing I want to do when I have a fever and water shooting out of my ass is to clean up shit. I'm not gay, but I would want my boyfriend to clean it up as well. But can you picture it: sick as a dog, throwing up, projectile diarreah and having to stick a snake down a crapper to get the thing to flush. I think she said a few bad words...

She says that these pictures aren't too flattering. Too damn bad. We're moving - we're supposed to be filthy.

Thus far, the move has been pretty non-eventful. The moving truck was two hours late though. We
didn't get started until after 1:00 PM on Saturday. Then the landlord called. She wanted to know when we would be out so she could start showing it. Nevermind that we paid rent through the end of August...she wants to get it leased out. We finished up the cleaning at 5:00 in the afternoon. At 5:15 she was handing out applications to potential renters.

Speaking of which, if you in a house to rent with a tempermental toilet, head over here and you can see all the gory deails.. One would have thought, however, that she would have a picture of the place. Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh. It was a lovely house, the landlord did get everything fixed when we asked, and she gave us all of our deposit back. All in all, it was a good experience. She is a great landlord.

So anyway, back to the move:
It took us a little under 4 hours to drive from Eugene to Portland - including a stop in Salem at The Smoke and Swine. Oh how we love that place (more about that in a minute)! We decided that once we got here, we would throw a padlock on the U-Haul and head to bed.

When we walked in the door, the cats ran and hid. A few minutes later, one of them came out and said, "Dude. My litter box doesn't smell that bad. You're so gross that I wont clean you. Please take a shower." You know you're foul when even your cat turns up its nose at you.

So the pictures that you see here are the fruits of today's labor. We got up this morning and unloaded the truck. Notice that there is a path to the sink and the beer in the fridge in the kitchen. The bathrooms are put away - we don't want problems there. We have a place to sleep tonight. The computers are up (obviously). We have our priorities.

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Mass murder in the skies: was the plot feasible?

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  17.8.06 @ 16:19

...Let's whip up some TATP and find out

By Thomas C Greene in Washington
Published Thursday 17th August 2006 09:42 GMT

The seventh angel poured out his bowl into the air;
And a loud voice came forth out of the temple of Heaven,
From the throne, saying, "It is done!"
--Revelation 16:17

Analysis

Binary liquid explosives are a sexy staple of Hollywood thrillers. It would be tedious to enumerate the movie terrorists who've employed relatively harmless liquids that, when mixed, immediately rain destruction upon an innocent populace, like the seven angels of God's wrath pouring out their bowls full of pestilence and pain.
The funny thing about these movies is, we never learn just which two chemicals can be handled safely when separate, yet instantly blow us all to kingdom come when combined. Nevertheless, we maintain a great eagerness to believe in these substances, chiefly because action movies wouldn't be as much fun if we didn't.

Now we have news of the recent, supposedly real-world, terrorist plot to destroy commercial airplanes by smuggling onboard the benign precursors to a deadly explosive, and mixing up a batch of liquid death in the lavatories. So, The Register has got to ask, were these guys for real, or have they, and the counterterrorist officials supposedly protecting us, been watching too many action movies?

We're told that the suspects were planning to use TATP, or triacetone triperoxide, a high explosive that supposedly can be made from common household chemicals unlikely to be caught by airport screeners. A little hair dye, drain cleaner, and paint thinner - all easily concealed in drinks bottles - and the forces of evil have effectively smuggled a deadly bomb onboard your plane.

Or at least that's what we're hearing, and loudly, through the mainstream media and its legions of so-called "terrorism experts." But what do these experts know about chemistry? Less than they know about lobbying for Homeland Security pork, which is what most of them do for a living. But they've seen the same movies that you and I have seen, and so the myth of binary liquid explosives dies hard.

Better killing through chemistry

Making a quantity of TATP sufficient to bring down an airplane is not quite as simple as ducking into the toilet and mixing two harmless liquids together.

First, you've got to get adequately concentrated hydrogen peroxide. This is hard to come by, so a large quantity of the three per cent solution sold in pharmacies might have to be concentrated by boiling off the water. Only this is risky, and can lead to mission failure by means of burning down your makeshift lab before a single infidel has been harmed.

But let's assume that you can obtain it in the required concentration, or cook it from a dilute solution without ruining your operation. Fine. The remaining ingredients, acetone and sulfuric acid, are far easier to obtain, and we can assume that you've got them on hand.

Now for the fun part. Take your hydrogen peroxide, acetone, and sulfuric acid, measure them very carefully, and put them into drinks bottles for convenient smuggling onto a plane. It's all right to mix the peroxide and acetone in one container, so long as it remains cool. Don't forget to bring several frozen gel-packs (preferably in a Styrofoam chiller deceptively marked "perishable foods"), a thermometer, a large beaker, a stirring rod, and a medicine dropper. You're going to need them.

It's best to fly first class and order Champagne. The bucket full of ice water, which the airline ought to supply, might possibly be adequate - especially if you have those cold gel-packs handy to supplement the ice, and the Styrofoam chiller handy for insulation - to get you through the cookery without starting a fire in the lavvie.

Easy does it

Once the plane is over the ocean, very discreetly bring all of your gear into the toilet. You might need to make several trips to avoid drawing attention. Once your kit is in place, put a beaker containing the peroxide / acetone mixture into the ice water bath (Champagne bucket), and start adding the acid, drop by drop, while stirring constantly. Watch the reaction temperature carefully. The mixture will heat, and if it gets too hot, you'll end up with a weak explosive. In fact, if it gets really hot, you'll get a premature explosion possibly sufficient to kill you, but probably no one else.

After a few hours - assuming, by some miracle, that the fumes haven't overcome you or alerted passengers or the flight crew to your activities - you'll have a quantity of TATP with which to carry out your mission. Now all you need to do is dry it for an hour or two.

The genius of this scheme is that TATP is relatively easy to detonate. But you must make enough of it to crash the plane, and you must make it with care to assure potency. One needs quality stuff to commit "mass murder on an unimaginable scale," as Deputy Police Commissioner Paul Stephenson put it. While it's true that a slapdash concoction will explode, it's unlikely to do more than blow out a few windows. At best, an infidel or two might be killed by the blast, and one or two others by flying debris as the cabin suddenly depressurizes, but that's about all you're likely to manage under the most favorable conditions possible.

We believe this because a peer-reviewed 2004 study in the Journal of the American Chemical Society (JACS) entitled "Decomposition of Triacetone Triperoxide is an Entropic Explosion" tells us that the explosive force of TATP comes from the sudden decomposition of a solid into gasses. There's no rapid oxidizing of fuel, as there is with many other explosives: rather, the substance changes state suddenly through an entropic process, and quickly releases a respectable amount of energy when it does. (Thus the lack of ingredients typically associated with explosives makes TATP, a white crystalline powder resembling sugar, difficult to detect with conventional bomb sniffing gear.)

Mrs. Satan

By now you'll be asking why these jihadist wannabes didn't conspire simply to bring TATP onto planes, colored with a bit of vegetable dye, and disguised as, say, a powdered fruit-flavored drink. The reason is that they would be afraid of failing: TATP is notoriously sensitive and unstable. Mainstream journalists like to tell us that terrorists like to call it "the mother of Satan." (Whether this reputation is deserved, or is a consequence of homebrewing by unqualified hacks, remains open to debate.)

It's been claimed that the 7/7 bombers used it, but this has not been positively confirmed. Some sources claim that they used C-4, and others that they used RDX. Nevertheless, the belief that they used TATP has stuck with the media, although going about in a crowded city at rush hour with an unstable homebrew explosive in a backpack is not the brightest of all possible moves. It's surprising that none of the attackers enjoyed an unscheduled launch into Paradise.

So, assuming that the homebrew variety of TATP is highly sensitive and unstable - or at least that our inept jihadists would believe that - to avoid getting blown up in the taxi on the way to the airport, one might, if one were educated in terror tactics primarily by hollywood movies, prefer simply to dump the precursors into an airplane toilet bowl and let the mother of Satan work her magic. Indeed, the mixture will heat rapidly as TATP begins to form, and it will soon explode. But this won't happen with much force, because little TATP will have formed by the time the explosion occurs.

We asked University of Rhode Island Chemistry Professor Jimmie C. Oxley, who has actual, practical experience with TATP, if this is a reasonable assumption, and she tolds us that merely dumping the precursors together would create "a violent reaction," but not a detonation.

To release the energy needed to bring down a plane (far more difficult to do than many imagine, as Aloha Airlines Flight 243 neatly illustrates), it's necessary to synthesize a good amount of TATP with care.

Jack Bauer sense

So the fabled binary liquid explosive - that is, the sudden mixing of hydrogen peroxide and acetone with sulfuric acid to create a plane-killing explosion, is out of the question. Meanwhile, making TATP ahead of time carries a risk that the mission will fail due to premature detonation, although it is the only plausible approach.

Certainly, if we can imagine a group of jihadists smuggling the necessary chemicals and equipment on board, and cooking up TATP in the lavatory, then we've passed from the realm of action blockbusters to that of situation comedy.

It should be small comfort that the security establishments of the UK and the USA - and the "terrorism experts" who inform them and wheedle billions of dollars out of them for bomb puffers and face recognition gizmos and remote gait analyzers and similar hi-tech phrenology gear - have bought the Hollywood binary liquid explosive myth, and have even acted upon it.

We've given extraordinary credit to a collection of jihadist wannabes with an exceptionally poor grasp of the mechanics of attacking a plane, whose only hope of success would have been a pure accident. They would have had to succeed in spite of their own ignorance and incompetence, and in spite of being under police surveillance for a year.

But the Hollywood myth of binary liquid explosives now moves governments and drives public policy. We have reacted to a movie plot. Liquids are now banned in aircraft cabins (while crystalline white powders would be banned instead, if anyone in charge were serious about security). Nearly everything must now go into the hold, where adequate amounts of explosives can easily be detonated from the cabin with cell phones, which are generally not banned.

Action heroes

The al-Qaeda franchise will pour forth its bowl of pestilence and death. We know this because we've watched it countless times on TV and in the movies, just as our officials have done. Based on their behavior, it's reasonable to suspect that everything John Reid and Michael Chertoff know about counterterrorism, they learned watching the likes of Bruce Willis, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Vin Diesel, and The Rock (whose palpable homoerotic appeal it would be discourteous to emphasize).

It's a pity that our security rests in the hands of government officials who understand as little about terrorism as the Florida clowns who needed their informant to suggest attack scenarios, as the 21/7 London bombers who injured no one, as lunatic "shoe bomber" Richard Reid, as the Forest Gate nerve gas attackers who had no nerve gas, as the British nitwits who tried to acquire "red mercury," and as the recent binary liquid bomb attackers who had no binary liquid bombs.

For some real terror, picture twenty guys who understand op-sec, who are patient, realistic, clever, and willing to die, and who know what can be accomplished with a modest stash of dimethylmercury.

You won't hear about those fellows until it's too late. Our official protectors and deciders trumpet the fools they catch because they haven't got a handle on the people we should really be afraid of. They make policy based on foibles and follies, and Hollywood plots.

Meanwhile, the real thing draws ever closer. ®

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Reuters.com - Court rules secret wiretaps violate rights - Thu Aug 17, 2006 5:34 PM ET

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  ;@ 16:14

Rich Williams (misterich@yahoo.com) has sent you this article.
Personal Message:
HAPPY DAY!!!!!
 Court rules secret wiretaps violate rights
Thu Aug 17, 2006 5:34 PM ET

By Kevin Krolicki

DETROIT (Reuters) - A judge ordered the Bush administration on Thursday to stop a domestic wiretap program it says protects Americans from terrorism but which the judge said violated their civil rights.

The administration, buoyed by polls showing Americans back its handling of security and terrorism, appealed against the federal court ruling, saying: "We couldn't disagree more."

U.S. District Judge Anna Diggs Taylor said the wiretaps under a five-year-old "Terrorist Surveillance Program" violated freedom of speech, protections against unreasonable searches and a constitutional check on the power of the presidency.

"There are no hereditary kings in America and no powers not created by the Constitution," Taylor said in a 44-page ruling.

The National Security Agency program has been widely criticized by civil rights activists and raised concern among lawmakers, including some in President George W. Bush's own Republican Party, who say he may have overstepped his powers.

Bush authorized the NSA program after the September 11 attacks on the United States, and it became public last year.

Both sides agreed the program could go on until the judge hears the government's case for a stay pending appeal.

The program allows the government to eavesdrop on the international phone calls and e-mails of U.S. citizens without obtaining a warrant, if those wiretaps are made to track suspected al Qaeda operatives.

"We have confidence in the lawfulness of this program," Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, said after Thursday's ruling. "That's why the appeal has been lodged."

A Justice Department statement called the program "an early warning system to detect and prevent a terrorist attack."

Officials said last week a foiled plot to blow up airliners from Britain underscored the need for secret surveillance.

"The very real threat posed by radical Islamists requires every tool at our disposal, including the ability to track financial activity and the communications of terrorists," said Rep. Pete Hoekstra, a Michigan Republican and chairman of the U.S. House of Representatives intelligence committee.

SUPREME COURT?

The American Civil Liberties Union filed the suit which could well end up being heard by the U.S. Supreme Court.

The Supreme Court delivered a similar blow to the administration in June when it struck down as illegal a system of military tribunals set up to try foreign terrorism suspects held at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp.

On Thursday, the judge ruled the Bush administration had violated the terms of a 1978 law by skirting a requirement that warrants be issued by a special secret court for eavesdropping on individuals or suspects in the United States.

The judge sided with the government on one issue -- that arguments in open court about the NSA's "data mining" of phone records would jeopardize national security and rejected an ACLU challenge to that part of the NSA's surveillance program.

The ACLU suit was filed on behalf of scholars, attorneys, journalists and nonprofit groups that regularly communicate with people in the Middle East and believed their phone calls and e-mail may have been intercepted by the U.S. government.

"The ruling of the judge is not only a victory for the American Muslim community but a victory for the entire American population," said Dawud Walid, executive director of the Council on American-Islamic Relations for Michigan, which joined the ACLU as a plaintiff in the lawsuit.

A similar suit brought by the Center for Constitutional Rights is pending in federal court in New York. The judge in that case is set to hear arguments on September 5.

The Bush administration has thrown its support behind a bill sponsored by Republican Sen. Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania that would submit the NSA's surveillance program to a secret court for review.

(Additional reporting by Jui Chakravorty; Claudia Parsons and Daniel Trotta in New York; Deborah Charles and Frances Kerry in Washington)


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Aimee's Last Day in Eugene

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  ;@ 16:05

So Madame Librarian sent this in. Look at what her co-workers did to her desk? Jeez. I didn't even get so much as a 'bugger off' on my last day.



Along those lines, they also held her going away party during working hours. They also took her out to dinner a few nights before (that way they could partake of 'adult beverages'). At my going away party I had to go on a beer run (that I paid for, I might add). While I was away, everyone ate all of the food. My boss didn't show up either. Sheesh!

Maybe I need to work for the library...

 3 comments links to this post

My Quest to be an A-List Blogger

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  16.8.06 @ 13:27

Weeeelll sheesh. Nobody reads this stupid thing.

In my quest to be an A-list blogger, I opened up the comments. Feel free to comment away! Hell - if you want to post, use this address:

misterich.mwvb@blogspot.com

We'll see if this gets any results...

 6 comments links to this post

Reuters.com - Cyclists beware: inflamed bladders ahead - Wed Aug 16, 2006 8:39 AM ET

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  ;@ 13:25

Rich Williams (misterich@yahoo.com) has sent you this article.
Personal Message:
But I don't have to pee... Do you feel a yearning pressure on the inner wall of your bladder?
 Cyclists beware: inflamed bladders ahead
Wed Aug 16, 2006 8:39 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - Council officials in Wales were left red-faced after discovering cyclists were being confused by a road sign telling them they had a bladder problem.

Officials had translated the command "cyclists dismount" from English into Welsh for the sign between Penarth and the capital Cardiff.

However, the result had been the baffling phrase: "Llid y bledren dymchwelyd" which roughly translates as "bladder inflammation overturn."

"The root of the problem was seeking an online translation and that's where it went wrong," a council spokesman said on Wednesday. "Unfortunately on this occasion we ended up with the problem."

All signs in Wales must be written in both the local language as well as English.

"The order in which the words have been placed means the sentence makes no sense whatsoever," Welsh-language expert Owain Sgiv told the South Wales Echo newspaper.

"It certainly does not mean anything like cyclists dismount."

The council spokesman said the sign was being replaced.


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Another TSA Alert...

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  ;@ 13:20

This one came from: http://staunton.livejournal.com/64409.html

16 August 2006 @ 09:57 am
Hooray, First Amendment!  
You know what would be cool? Working for The Onion. If you know anybody that works for them, you should totally pass this on.


UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, AUGUST 17: Airports across the country, already reeling from the liquids ban of just a few weeks ago, were again thrown into chaos today, as local agents of the FBI claim they have uncovered evidence of a widespread terrorist plot to plant thousands of venomous snakes on commercial airliners all over the country. According to Jim Jameson, FBI Agent, "this plot is really widespread, and very far along. When we cross-checked the first solid rumor we got against our newest terror-detection tool, the Government Operated Online Global Link Extractor .com, it instantly returned well over 17,300,000 hits."
Jameson went on to note in a press release that the plan was "al-Queda-esque," and said he hoped that would trigger a reaction from the White House at bonus time. At the time of the press conference, no suspects were in custody.
Acting on information from the FBI, national airports were again thrown into disarray today, as the TSA immediately banned all snakes from carry-on baggage. The ban was further extended to all reptiles and amphibians, and will remain in place indefinitely, though exceptions have been made for legitimate service reptiles. Numerous complaints have already been lodged about the new restrictions. "It's crazy," said Cathy Birmingham, as she dug frantically through her carry-on, "I always travel with at least three frogs and an iguana. Now I get to the airport, and they tell me my animals will have to travel in my checked bag. I want someone to explain to me how exactly I'm supposed to commit an act of terror with a two-foot lizard."
TSA officials are apologetic about the situation, but insist that it's best for the safety of the general public. A spokesperson for the TSA, speaking on condition of anonymity, admitted that current airport security measures are not up to the task of screening for poisonous reptiles.
Finally, adding fuel to the controversy, noted celebrity and haberdasher-aficionado Samuel L. Jackson has been seen making the rounds of both day and evening talk shows, repeating his message: "They're motherfucking snakes! On a motherfucking plane!"

 0 comments links to this post

Reuters.com - 101 ways to massacre Shakespeare - Fri Aug 11, 2006 8:33 AM ET

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  11.8.06 @ 07:54

Rich Williams (misterich@yahoo.com) has sent you this article.
 101 ways to massacre Shakespeare
Fri Aug 11, 2006 8:33 AM ET

By Paul Majendie

EDINBURGH (Reuters) - Bouncy Castle Hamlet, Macbeth with a Sinatra soundtrack, Shakespeare for Breakfast with free coffee and croissants.

The Edinburgh Fringe richly deserves its reputation for artistic anarchy and every year The Bard is the target of bizarre adaptations at the world's largest arts festival.

"It is amazing how robust he is. I have seen it survive some awful treatments and still come out as a damn good story," said Fringe Director Paul Gudgin.

"It is extraordinary how Shakespeare gets singled out. Why don't we get Charles Dickens' Great Expectations at the OK Corral?"

Pressed to pick his all-time favorite production he went for "A Midsummer Night's disco -- Shakespeare on roller skates."

As The Fringe celebrates its 60th birthday, the prize for zaniest 2006 production goes to Hamlet set in a bouncy castle.

To see the Prince of Denmark in laddered tights bounding around declaiming "To Be or Not To Be" is a truly surreal experience.

Surely this would have Shakespeare turning in his grave on the 400th anniversary of his death?

Not at all says the play's director William Seaward. "I think Shakespeare had a sense of humor. He might not have approved, but I think we could have talked him round."

EUREKA MOMENT

Seward had his eureka moment when attending a children's birthday party in Argentina. "I saw the children playing on a bouncy castle and that is when the idea came to me.

"It was insanely difficult finding actors. We kept all our mistakes in as everyone finds them hilarious."

At the other end of the professional spectrum, actor Bruce Morrison pulls off an elegant tour de force with his one-man show "Shakespeare's Passions," recreating famous speeches with just a basket full of props.

"Anything goes -- that is the joy of the Fringe," he said. "We had two Japanese couples in here smooching in my Romeo and Juliet speech. In this century, Shakespeare is still excruciatingly exciting for so many people."

The Fringe offers an endless variety that could be collectively labeled "101 Ways to Murder The Bard."

"Macbeth -- That Old Black Magic" boasts a Frank Sinatra soundtrack and you can see "The Tempest" with acrobats, puppets and circus tricks.

In "Corleone: The Godfather," the American High School Theater Festival troupe asks "What if Shakespeare had written the Godfather?"

Theater critics may suffer but Joyce McMillan of The Scotsman cheerfully accepts the challenge.

"It is very hit and miss but, with colors flying, The Bard survives at The Fringe and some people who have been traumatized at school do like to see him being taken down a peg."


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Reuters.com - Charity wants people to lend a hand... - Fri Aug 4, 2006 3:57 PM ET

Language butchery by Mr Rich on  5.8.06 @ 23:34

Rich W (misterich@yahoo.com) has sent you this article.
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 Charity wants people to lend a hand...
Fri Aug 4, 2006 3:57 PM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - Hundreds of Britons are being urged to attend what is being branded as Europe's first "Masturbate-a-thon," a leading British reproductive healthcare charity said Friday.

Marie Stopes International, which is hosting the event with HIV/AIDS charity the Terrence Higgins Trust, said it expected up to 200 people to attend the sponsored masturbation session in Clerkenwell, central London, Saturday.

"It is a bit of a publicity stunt but we hope it will raise awareness," a Marie Stopes spokeswoman told Reuters.

"We want to get people talking about safer sex, masturbation and to lift taboos."

Participants, who have to be over 18, can bring any aids they need and can take part in four different rooms -- a comfort area, a mixed area, along with men and women only areas.

However, the rules on the event's Web site states there can be no touching of other participants nor are people allowed to fake orgasms.

"The amount you raise will be determined by how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve," the Web site said.

The Marie Stopes spokeswoman said local religious groups had been initially outraged, but after people had heard what the event was about, most had approved it.

Police had also given it their approval.

Similar events have been staged in San Francisco for the last six years raising $25,000 for women's health initiatives and HIV prevention. If successful, Marie Stopes said it could take place elsewhere in mainland Europe next year.


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